Boundaries: A cure for burnout?

I haven’t felt this uncomfortable in a while.

I spent an empty afternoon last week and saw Don’t say bad words (NumberTrailer is hereNumber), a horror/suspense film about a family who goes to visit another couple they meet on vacation.

and shockinglythings didn’t go as expected.

If you see Number“The Dinner Party” episode officeNumber Jim and Pam go to Michael and Jane’s house for dinner The most uncomfortable family gathering ever, And talking to myself…

“What if this was a 2-hour horror movie?”

…that’s basically the plot Don’t say bad words.

This movie is based on the 2022 European movie of the same name, so naturally I had to watch it. God, that version was bleaker and more shocking.

The film has some very pointed commentary on relationships, masculinity, and even parenting…

But here’s why “Say No Evil” makes me so uncomfortable:

The film asks, “How far are we willing to cross to keep the peace without hurting other people’s feelings?”

I always joke NumberTo what extent conflict-avoiding people are people-pleasingNumber I am, which means this movie shook me to my core:

That’s the focus of my newsletter today!

Guilt and overcommitment

My father was raised Episcopalian (a form of Christianity) and my mother was Catholic. My mom always joked that the Episcopalian faith was “like Catholicism, but without the guilt!”

So we went to the Episcopal church as kids.

Still, I managed to get sins of all catholics!

I will do whatever I can to keep the peace. I’ll do my best not to offend. I would overcommit myself and get myself into very frustrating situations simply because I didn’t know how to set healthy boundaries.

Long story short, I’m not going to do a very good job Don’t say bad words.

I used to think it was just my good intentions, but then I realized it was different.

I have no respect for myself and my well-being!

Over the years, I’ve learned to establish and enforce healthier boundaries. Not only to protect yourself from others, but also to protect yourself…from yourself.

I have a hunch that there are quite a few people reading this newsletter who are also people pleasers, struggle with burnout, and are feeling overcommitted right now.

If it’s you, I have a truth that’s hard to hear.

The solution to burnout isn’t a yoga retreat

When we feel exhausted, too busy, and overwhelmed, we think the solution lies in a very specific form of self-care:

• Escape: We just need a massage or a “digital detox” or a retreat.
• Achievements: We just need to work hard Harder In the gym!
• Optimization: If only we had a more optimized schedule!

The problem is that all of these solutions only treat the symptoms and not the root cause.

As Anne-Helen Peterson points out NumberCan’t evenNumber:

“Going on vacation isn’t going to solve the problem of burnout. You can’t solve it with ‘little little things in life’, like clearing your inbox, or using a meditation app for five minutes in the morning, or preparing the whole family for Sunday. meals, or start a bullet journal. You can’t solve this problem by reading a book about how to “screw yourself.”

You can’t solve this problem with holidays, adult coloring books, “anxiety baking,” the Pomodoro Technique, or overnight oats.

As I shared in my article Numberself-care issuesNumbersolutions can’t be found in a yoga studio or on a deserted beach, nor in a journal or meditation app.

The solution requires us to have an uncomfortable conversation with ourselves.

We need to put on our own oxygen mask first before we can help others.

Boundaries prevent burnout

We people pleasers spend most of our time keeping the peace and meeting other people’s needs, with little regard for our own.

This is often the reason we find ourselves overcommitted to doing the things we want/need to do, and possibly resentful that our generosity is taken for granted.

question?

It’s not someone else’s responsibility to establish our boundaries.

It is our responsibility to build them, interpret them and protect them.

This is where boundaries come into play.

Boundaries are healthy because they allow us to truly consider our Also needed. Something I hadn’t considered in a long time. I bet there are a lot of amazing moms and dads on this newsletter list who haven’t thought about their own needs either long time.

This doesn’t mean we need to suddenly become “I’m the only thing that matters”, it means we need to address the fact that our feelings and needs are valid and we need to take care of ourselves if we “we” Will also take care of others.

As Dr. Lakshmin stated in “ Numbertrue self-careNumber:

“To practice true self-care, you have to be willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable—whether that means setting boundaries through uncomfortable conversations or making clear and thoughtful choices to prioritize one area of ​​your life. in another aspect.

Here is your challenge today:

Say “no” to the one thing you currently say “yes” to out of obligation or guilt.

Set this boundary for your own well-being and mental health.

Yes, it requires you to rely on those around you, and you may even *GASP* possibly let someone down!

Especially if they are used to you saying yes to everything all the time.

I assure you, their reaction is not your responsibility.

The last reminder I have to internalize: “No” is a complete sentence.

We can’t time travel, which means the only way to deal with burnout is to put less on your plate.

This requires us to create boundaries to protect ourselves…from ourselves.

I’d love to hear about the boundaries you establish, so please hit respond and let me know!

-Steve

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