94 Years of Wisdom | Nerd Fitness

Last week, I flew to Massachusetts to visit my 94-year-old grandmother in the hospital.

Let me tell you about this amazing woman.

Barbara, Aunt B, as our grandson is called, or Gramma, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.

(No wonder I like music NumberAlan DoyleNumber (and Numbergreat seaNumber), this is my DNA!

Gramma served as a preschool teacher for 22 years and was an active member of the community throughout her life. She was an accomplished quilter and helped start several quilting initiatives over the years. She volunteers with the Council on Aging. She also often drove and delivered meals, “to the elderly” (as she called it), and she continued to do so into her 80s!

On past visits to Massachusetts, I would spend an afternoon at Gramma’s house, habitually checking my phone, often distracted by unimportant work thoughts that occupied my mind. I think I’ve known her my whole life and I just had this thought: “Grandma has always been here and Grandma will always be here.”

Fortunately, I stumbled upon an ancient Japanese concept that helped me recognize and correct this pattern. This makes all my recent visits to Gramma completely different.

A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

There is a concept dating back to the Japanese tea ceremony of the 1600s called ichi-go ichi-e:

This can be translated as: “One time, one meeting.”

It reminds us to cherish and embrace every unrepeatable moment. No matter how often we do something or see someone, this is only when it really happened This way, exist at this time.

This concept can remind us to live more in the present moment.

• Instead of checking our phones, we can focus on the person or task in front of us.
• We don’t have to worry about tomorrow or distractions, we can be here now.
• We can be more careful about our actions rather than going through the motions.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on Japanese Zen philosophy over the past few years (NumberSee my article on wabi-sabiNumber), and the concept of “one-five-one painting” has always troubled me.

This reminds me of my trip to Gramma this summer.

Instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, I put down my phone and sat with her.

I treat every visit as if it is only I have time for this interaction.

I asked her some questions about her childhood. I learned that she spent several summers in a tent without running water or electricity while her father built their home with his own two hands. And how much does she cost? Love it.

She told me about her teenage years, Including the time she was caught sneaking out of the house and had to sit at the foot of her parents’ bed until the sun came up.

I learned more about my grandfather. She even shared photos from her wedding that I’d never seen before:

She also found some old photos of me and her!

Here are my favorites:

I returned to Nashville last month, unsure when (or if) I would see her again.

It still feels different. In a few visits, I became more deeply connected to Gramma than I had been in the past ten years combined.

This brings me back to the past week in the hospital.

grama community

Last week, my brother and I drove to the hospital every day to visit my grandma.

Every day, a revolving door of customers show up to check on her:

her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mother (just had surgery!). her grandchildren. Her best friend’s son. Her friend Anne. Friends from the Council on Aging. Comrades who sew quilts. People from her church.

One time, 10 of us came at the same time and it became a party.

I am in awe of this woman and how many lives she has impacted.

If there’s one clear sign of a good life, it’s being surrounded by people who love you. Grandma was selfless most of her life and I am amazed and inspired by how many people dropped everything to spend time with her, swap stories and be there for her.

Despite the circumstances, she still has a great sense of humor:

When she opened her eyes and saw me for the first time, she smiled and said, “I’m reminded of another story!” Then she told me about the time she “borrowed” a car, even though she didn’t have a driver’s license and drove through Crossing the streets of Boston to find her boyfriend.

When she was on the phone with her 94-year-old brother-in-law, she asked, “How are you, you old guy?”

When the doctor asked, “Are you feeling better today?” she replied, “Better than anything else!”

Spending time with my grandma and all the people in different areas of her life felt like the best use of my time. I fell in love with the community around her and I am constantly moved to tears by the love so many people have for her.

My grandma’s hospital “neighbor” elaborated on this further…

live intentionally

The hospital where my grandma stayed was right next to Walden Pond, the pond made famous by Henry David Thoreau in his book NumberWalden PondNumber.

One day, after visiting Granma, I took a quiet walk around its perimeter and watched the rays of the setting sun dance through the trees.

(The Japanese also have a word to describe this, called “komorebi”.)

Then I read the sign that read Thoreau’s most famous reflection:

“I went into the woods because I wished to live seriously, to face only the basic facts of life, to see if I could not learn what it had to teach me, and not, on my deathbed, find that I had not lived.”

Thoreau retreated into solitude to discover what mattered most to him.

Grandma did the opposite and prioritized what was most important to her: family, friends, and community.

Two different scenarios, same end result:

Choose to live mindfully.

I have no plans to move into the woods and live a simpler life, but I do think I’ve done my best to live a more relaxed life over the past few years.

Specifically, reprioritizing the things that matter most to me: friends, family, and community.

We must decide…

A few years ago, my grandma gave my siblings and me three of her favorite handmade quilts.

“I was going to give these to you grandchildren when I die, but I want to give them to you now so we can enjoy this moment together.”

She took the time to explain the meaning behind each quilt and why they were chosen for each of us. I’m so grateful she did that instead of waiting until after she passed to hear about these beautiful quilts.

When I visited Gramma this summer, I discovered that she had printed my paper NumberAbout my grandfather, her husband, they have passed awayNumber. I wish I could have made my grandpa proud, but I realize I never got the chance to tell him how much I learned from him before he died.

For that reason, I am writing this now to make sure she knows how much she taught me. I’m so proud of my grandma and grateful for the opportunity to learn from her for 40 years (and counting!).

(Yesterday I got a text from my dad telling me he read the draft to her in the hospital and she loved it. Mission accomplished!)

I sure hope grandma gets better and comes home. After all, she told her friend Laurie “I’m not done yet!”

But I also know that this is not something we can decide.

As Gandalf tells Frodo in the book Fellowship of the Ring:

“What we need to decide is how to use the time we are given.”

I hope my grammar and Thoreau inspire you to live more carefully:

• If you are willing to put down your phone Life becomes richer with the people in front of you.
• If you’re willing to prioritize what’s really important You can never go wrong with the choices you make, not those trying to grab your attention.
• If you could find a way to pay attention to the important people in your lifewhen you’re 94, they’re still a part of it.

Finally remember, whatever you do today, this is the only time this That moment will happen.

Take appropriate action.

-Steve

Attached: If you want a thought-provoking film about the present and “No. 1 Painting,” I highly recommend Wim Wenders’ Numberperfect dayNumber.